The Chipmunk burial

I just realized I haven't posted all summer long! Not that my 2 readers (thanks mom) are probably staying up at night worrying what I have been up to. The general busy life of a midwife and mom!

I've decided to try to blog more on events which happen, those ones that are funny, sad, poignant, and need to be written down. Well, that's my goal anyway. so I will start with a funny, sad, and typical event for our family.

First of all, this story illustrates that our family can never, ever just blend. We aren't the kind of people who slip in and out the door somewhere unnoticed. No, if we are there, you will notice us. unfortunately, it's not the good things, it's usually because we are in some way standing out. Making a scene. making ourselves noticed. no, we can't just simply do things like everyone else.

This story is about a poor chipmunk and it's proper burial at sea. Don't believe me, somewhere I have pictures and as soon as I figure out hot to get them on here, I'll post for all to enjoy.

This happened in June when we were getting ready to go camping. In a tent. All 7 of us. No I wasn't drinking...yet...just packing what felt like my entire house into a 12 passenger van and a volvo. Because god forbid we should forget something. Hayley, 8 volunteered to walk our big dog, Tasha before we left. She came back about 15 minutes later, hysterical, I couldn't even understand what she was staying. She kept repeating" his family is going to be looking for him" "there's blood everywhere". Ok, um, I'm thinking, I really need you to slow down and elaborate, FAST, because I'm wondering what the heck her and the dog did in 15 minutes.

Turns out that at the end of the street, a poor chipmunk made the mistake of crossing my dogs path. hayley tried to pull back on the leash, but the dog weighs as much as she does and got ahold of the chipmunk and killed it. Hayley thought it was a baby squirrel and was totally traumatized by the event. the chipmunk was left lying on the side of the street.

When we finally got this out of her (and breathed a sigh of relief they hadn't killed anyone), my husband, in typical male fashion, said "oh well, it's a squirrel, let's get packing!". After trying hard to not beat him in the head with a gymbag, I explained how traumatic it was for her to see this assault and death.

Now, here's where it's starts to get weird, which in my family, is the expected norm. We can't just walk down the street and take a look. We have to march down in single file, with Hayley still sobbing big-breath stopping sobs, my five year old pretending to write something on his toy computer, my toddler running along wondering what all the excitement was about, and my older daughter (who is fascinated with dead things-don't ask) trying to get first glimpse.

As we get closer, everyone is breaking into a run to get the first look at dead squirrel. Which turns out to be dead chipmunk. So there's screaming, yelling, pushing, sobbing, neighbors staring checking their homeowners association policy to see if there's a clause against this...

And we find the poor little guy. didn't stand a chance. Cause of death is obvious tooth puntures to back of neck. We explain it's a chipmunk (well, his family is still wondering where he is, aren't they, mom, doesn't matter what he is? true, I guess) and try to decide, in the middle of the street, what to do with him (I say him, but I confess to not taking a more thorough look to determine this, didn't seem appropriate in the circumstances-and besides, I'm not a chipmunk cororner or anything).

we decide we will bring him home and bury him (yeah, that'll be a great idea, love to see the 3 dogs dig that back up). But how to carry him? My older daughter would love to just carry him and poke around at his dead body, but that doesn't seem sanitary. So, somehow, we decide to put him on the toy computer and take turns carrying him. My 5 year old goes first and carries it out in front while walking in slow motion. We all follow. OK, now the same neighbors are not finding us so amusing anymore, they've given up on being polite, they are just standing inthe yard staring and whispering. Hi, I yell over, we're having a new orleans style funeral, just couldn't find a jazz band. that helped. I'm sure we'll be invited over to the next pool party.

So, onward we go, fighting all the way! Who gets to hold dead chipmunk on the computer? We all take turns, I give up my turn and let Hayley have a double since, technically, it's her dead chipmunk.

and we arrive back in the drive, where my husband is trying to force 6 bikes, 2 scooters, skates, helmets, 1/2 bike and stroller into the small space behind seat (that's funny too, wish I had a camera). He's THRILLED to see us in a procession with dead chipmunk. What the hell are you going to do with that??? Uh, bury it, dumb ass, what do you think?

Obviously, we can't bury it now, that requires a bunch of digging, so we find a shoebox, tissue paper, some flowers, and a card, which hayley writes out and puts in box. And we set it by the tree while we get ready.

Now it's time to go camping (dear god, what am I thinking???). Hayley is hysterical, can't leave dead chipmunk all weekend, now can we. So I do what I find amusing, even more so because I know my husband will find it so totally NOT amusing, and I give permission to bring dead chipmunk to the campground. Maybe we can find a place to bury it there. But here's the kicker: I don't tell husband, since we are driving separate and hayley is riding with him, I just tell her to keep box on her lap for trip. I see the car pull out, drive about 2 houses,reverse, window down, "what the hell is going on?". yeah, I'm amused!

So the chipmunk lives under a tree while we camp. I give out and when darkness comes and my toddler won't stop playing by the fire, running into other sites and causing problems, I come home. Have fun, honey!

Next day, we decide something should be done about dead chipmunk. and Hayley comes up with the idea of dumping into the lake. Perfect! burial at sea, great idea. I wish I could torch it and send it on it's way at sunset as some sort of Viking tribute, but I decide against it.

So we did what any normal family would do. We got our bible, camera, and found a perfect location across the street (yeah, we were roughing it, there were streets in the campground)at another empty campsite which was next to the lake. We climbed down the rocks, sang hymns, made a procession (fighting loudly the whole time over whose turn it was to hold dead chipmunk)and read psalm 23. We were taking our time, until another girl came by and announced they had just seen a huge snake on the rock we were on, which sent my ever so brave teen about 20 feet away in 2.3 seconds. Now we needed to speed it up a bit, although, hey, if the snake came close, we could always offer a dead chipmunk...

hayley was supposed to dump the dead chipmunk in the water, but freaked about the snake and put the box in, and pushed off. No, not the whole box, damn, tha'ts littering! We tried to get it back,no luck. I'm yelling at brave teen to get her @ss over here and take some photos, she's in the middle of the street yelling what a bunch of nuts we are and she's not getting close to a snake over a dead chipmunk burial, hayley's on top of the rock giving an eulogy, which then made her brother want to give one, I'm trying hard not to laugh...

but does the box sink? No, amazingly, we watch it head out to the middle of the lake and make its way over to the other side. Note to self: Sketcher boxes are sturdy and apparently waterproof incase I need that info at a later time. Oh, god, it hits me. Some poor kid at the other side of the campground is going to see this floating box, run to fetch it, and open it up to see....2 day old dead chipmunk...oh my gosh...that's not very nice! The trauma for that poor family.

but at least no one will no it was us. no fines for littering...i begin to get the giggles, even more so when my teen demands she wants no part in this...don't worry...no one will know who did it.

Uh, well, that is, until hayley chimes in: don't worry, mom, on my note, I put our name and address so that God knows who sent the chipmunk to him.

Oh, good, glad you thought through all the details.

so far, so good, no dead chipmunk reports have been issued, I think we are safe.