An afternoon at the pool

Ah, it's that time of the year to head off to the local community pool with the kids. You get them all lathered up with sunscreen, they run off to play while you find a nice shady spot (hey, we're redheads, we don't do sun well), grab an iced tea and open up your new bookclub book. Every once in a while you glance up, wave at one of the kids on the slide, then resume reading. After an hour or so, the kids come up and ask for .25 for an ice pop, then happily eat the apples and water you packed. back to swimming for another 1-2 hours. When it's time to leave, they gather up their stuff, carry it out to the car, head home for dinner (which is waiting in the crockpot and smells wonderful when you walk in the house). When you get home, they change out of their wet clothes, and throw everything including the wet towels in the laundry room.



Wait, time to wake up and back to reality.



Going to the pool is anything but relaxing. It is a stressful, "why am I doing this" kind of thing when you have 5 kids. My oldest works at the concession stand at the pool. This means that her siblings feel they need to hang out there constantly bugging for food. No, not the .25 ice pop, each one wants a full meal of cheap, nasty tasting frozen food, a 2.00 ice cream sandwich, a soda, a slushie, and some candy. And they beg for this every single time we go, it's non-stop. And god help me if I cave and we get something. That sets off a chain of events which includes changing minds several times based on what the other siblings are getting, invariably someone dropping or spilling their food, dissatisfaction when the choices come (because, it really is nasty tasting crappy food) and general unhappiness with only 1 slushie, it's never enough.



and forget reading a book. I spend my time listening to kids yelling "look, mom, what I can do". I can only keep the charade of being interested in someone going under water and looking more like their drowning then performing olympic acts in the kiddie pool up for so long. then, out of the blue, I always snap and scream that I will absolutely NOT WATCH ANYONE DO ANYTHING ANYMORE!!!. then, other parents with only one angel can turn around and stare and think what a bad mommy I am.



And lets not forget the fun of having a toddler at the pool. A toddler who doesn't like the water. But isn't content to play at my feet, or dip his legs in the kiddie pool.. Oh no, he has to run (not walk, run) from section to section trying to see how close he can get to A. Falling head first into the pool B. Running into the men's bathroom and sitting down on the absolutely disgusting floor C. Throwing stuff into the pool D. Screaming at the concession stand because, after all, he sees his sister and she's giving other people popsicles and candy, what's up with that? E. The neverending attempt to get naked, that never gets old.



So, I chase him, respond to the "watch me's", and think about hot and miserable I am. Because as I mentioned we are redheaded people and redheaded people were not put on this planet to be in the sun. That is why it is always cloudy and cool in Ireland. I don't do heat well, it makes me sick to my stomach, tired as can be, and even crankier than normal on an outing with all the kids by myself. I have been known, and I have witnesses, to get sunburned in the night in the summer? It's like my body is saving it up. We use spf 60, but really, we should just have on a big tent-like material with a huge hat, sunglasses, socks, the whole bit. like a big sunscreen condom or something (hey, maybe there's a market, hmmm....)

And getting ready to go to the pool is always a big surprise to everyone in my family. When I ask if anyone is getting the pool bag ready, surprised looks are everyone.



"what pool bag?"

"uh, the neon orange plastic bag we've been using for 3 years"

"where is it?" ( I should know this even though I wasn't the one who brought it in the day before, probably still in the hot van, full of wet towels)

"well, we just used it yesterday. Did you pack the goggles, pool toys, and sunscreen?"



This elicits panic and mayham. Someone else lost the goggles and pool toys. Someone else was responsible for the bathing suits and towels (and no, we can't bring the nasty stained towels we use in the kitchen to mop up stains, that's managed to slip by me in the past). Flip flops? No, lets wear church sandals instead.



So after a long drawn out ordeal to pack the van, get dressed, and head out, we make it to the pool. We ALWAYS forget something (I almost wrote someone, that's happened too before). Sometimes its a little thing, no big deal, but usually it's the big stuff. No swim diapers, No sunscreen (reread the redheaded part), no pool passes, stuff like that.



And when we get home, we never have anything to eat. So we eat junk, or eat out, or eat the crap at the concession stand, or don't eat at all and then everyone's miserable by 7 when we finally remember.



The clothes are in piles placed strategically around the house. So that every few steps, i step in cold, dirty laundry. And then the next day when it's time to go, the bathing suit or towel is still wet or missing (totally my fault too, I should be able to keep track of 7 suits, 7 towels, 7 pairs of flip flops, 5 goggles, and a shitload of pool toys we seem to think we need to bring everyday)



So when my husband leaves for work in the afternoon, and announces (in front of the kids of course) that maybe we should go "relax and hang out at the pool" you can see why I go ballistic and try to beat him to death with a neon orange polka dotted pool bag!



And if one more of you moms with only one kid gives me a dirty look because I can't watch another bad near-drowning feat, I am gonna bring you home in my 12 passenger van (if we can find room for you amongst all the crap) and hold you hostage for a week and let you get all the kids to the pool every day!!!