It's been awhile, hasn't it

I used to be a fun person. A nice, funny, person. Well, at least I thought I was. I liked to have fun, go out, hang with friends. Now, i think I've turned into a cranky middle aged uptight mother.

Spring is here and I have a long list of things I want to do, goals to accomplish, household projects. I have great, creative ideas for household projects. painting, sewing, stenciling, kids room fun stuff. But it doesn't happen. No time for it. And it makes me cranky.

Here is my day yesterday to give an example of why there is no time:
6:30: after nursing my 21 month old for over an hour, I couldn't go back to sleep so i woke up my husband to take toddler away before I snap!
7am: Still trying to wake up, suck down coffee. Toddler is up all night nursing, so I am already cranky when I open my eyes! Fibromyalgia is kicking in, my back, hips, knees and fingers are stiff and horribly sore, even to the touch. lack of sleep does that to me.
7-8a: Get my equally cranky 8 and 4yo up, dressed, teeth brushed, and find a suitable breakfast. 4yo is already begging to go outside and play (out front of course, god knows we can't use the backyard for anything!)
8a: OK, we're outside, 8yo is practicing piano (a little early to really deal with that!)
8:10a: My bernese mountain dog gets out and wants to play. Instead, she runs across street and down road where she decides to "play" with a lady and her dog. Of course, this lady thinks she's being attacked and it turns ugly! My 4yo gets on his scooter and goes directly out into the street. My husband loses his temper, runs out, grabs him too hard (resulting in a meltdown) and forgets to go rescue poor lady and her dog.
8:20a: my 8yo tries to get dog, I am yelling at husband, finally gather our annoying crew and go back inside much to the delight of my neighbors, I'm sure.
8:30a: 8yo leaves for school, try to get my 12yo up, that is never fun, finally end up yelling at her threatening to pull her out of bed and use a carseat to sit her in front of the computer!
9a: I try to get some more coffee in. Now I try to get myself and my office in decent order because I have a client coming at 10ish. My husband takes the toddler and goes to home depot to get the fence stuff.

10: clients come. Their toddler wanders around and ends up with my husbands chalk line all over him, i pray it is washable!
11a: my toddler is freaking to nurse, also wants to wander in and out of kitchen getting into the cupboards and refrig. We try to ignore the screaming.
12: Lunchtime, i eat standing up! Go outside to help with fence measuring
1p: My husband drives around toddler, doesn't go well, he won't go asleep, so I volunteer to lay down with him. i love, love, love to nap, but it is getting ridiculous to be laying in bed all day with him. I jump in bath after realizing my lymph nodes in arm are swollen and that I have a blocked duct which is dangerously close to mastitis (how did I miss this?)
1-4p: I am laying down, read a bit, nap a bit. My hips are hurting and I try to get up a few times, my toddler freaks! So back down I go. of course, this means, production has stopped below, no one can do anythingwithout my assistance.
4p: I am pleasantly surprised my teen is getting dinner done and kitchen cleaned up. later I find out, she wants me to pay for her 50 dollar yearbook (uh, that's what your job is for?) and oh, she's pretty much failing all her subjects. but my kitchen is clean!
6: off to girl scout awards, boys are filthy, carrying on, screaming, lots of fun. have to take them outside because they keep interrupting service. Toddler ends up grabbing a plate of crackers, throwing them on floor and jumping on them. Ah, how cute
8: trying to rush home, realize van door is broke, won't shut. Uh, big problem. Toddler is SCREAMING in car seat while I try to fix it, think of solution. End up getting someone's father to help me adjust it so it will shut.
8:15p: try to get house in order, baths, and ready for bed. this is ALWAYS a stressful time. the house is always a wreck, dogs not let out, usually poop somewhere in house, homework rushed, teen/preteen in foul mood, mouthy, don't want to help, toddler fussing, wants to lay down and nurse already but not ready to go to sleep. i always feel guilty I don't have time to spend with my 8 and 4yo reading more stories, tucking into bed. this makes me very bitchy most days and this is when i sometimes lose it (if I havn't already, LOL)
10: try to nurse toddler to sleep. he is biting, pulling, thinking he's very funny.
11: finally asleep, i try to read, computer, news, really should go to bed. Oh, about now, my restless legs kick in and I am wide awake!
12: finally asleep. Wait, toddler is up for 1st nursing. i count 7X this night, plus a panicked scream if the nipple falls out. ifeel abused, hey buddy, No means No!!!

so there is a typical day. Why don't I have time to do fun stuff? Exercise? Answer emails? Go out with friends? heck, I didn't even get to wash my hair or do makeup. I did manage to answer some client emails, calls, clean the floors, and waste some time on the computer.

that's enough for today, i should be getting to bed, more to come tomorrow, hopefully....