Live like you were dying

Know the song? By Tim McGraw? Well, I heard it this week and it really hit home. I have been having some breast problems/infections/lumps for some time now and have always dismissed them as plugged ducts or mastitis. Then last week I went for a mammo and ultrasound. And, like the song says, the news stopped me on a dime. There was a new, suspicious lump I didn't even know I had. And now I felt another. It has been a long week of trying to arrange appointments, get through to the docs office and carry on with my daily life trying hard not to concentrate on the worst case scenario. Suddenly, my thinking has changed. My life is really flashing before my eyes. dying is simply not an option, but the thought of having my entire familys life changed in an instant is quite an eyeopener. And it doesn't just have to be cancer. We could have other illnesses, car accidents, etc. which would require a huge change. i work in the hospital and I see how some people spend their days/lives running from doctors, to operations, to other doctors, to hospital stays. And it is a sobering thought. One that has really made me re-examine my life, my priorities, my day, my attitude. Frankly,I'm spoiled and I bitch way to much. I have been examining the "let go and let god" and realizing how true it is. My only job is to do my best today. I can't change tomorrow and I am wasting today worrying about tomorrow. Not enjoying the kids, not doing the stuff I want to do, feeling sorry for myself about chores, headaches, broken appliances, etc. Which in the long run don't matter a bit. Now that I may have a serious illness and need to go through a long process, I will have to scale down to the absolute necessities. And maybe that's a good thing. Maybe that's how God gets our attention. Well, I want to write more wonderful ponderings, but for some reason I can't get this computer to let me make paragraphs and split up my thoughts. Which is aggravating me. Anyone reading this who knows what I am doing wrong in cyberworld, please post a comment. I'll try to be back to tomorrow to finish my thoughts. My biopsy and another ultrasound are on monday, my second opinion and hopefully scheduling of surgery will be wednesday so it will be an eventful week! I'll keep anyone (probably, like all 2 of the readers of this!) posted!