End of summer...start of new era

It's labor day today, the unofficial end of summer. I am already dreading the winter and I am working hard to change that attitude. I absolutely can't stand the short days, cold weather, cooped up inside with the kids, icy sidewalks, etc. etc. I have talked to my husband about moving south, but so far the universe has not opened up that possibility. So for now, I am trying to be proactive and get prepared. Fall I like. Christmas time is good. It's Jan, Feb, March that I dread. So this year I will buy a UV light, join the Y and try to maintain a positive attitude!

On another note...our family is about to embark on a new schooling journey. On Friday I signed up the two older girls for public school. Courtney has not attended school in 3 years and has been dealing with some anxiety issues, so this is a huge step. Megan is starting a new school, but I think she will be fine. She had some misconceptions about what staying home was going to be like. Mainly dealing with the little ones all day and having to help out around the house more!

We will meet with Courtney's school next week and work on her IEP. I have found some sample ones online and didn't even realize the services available. Like keeping extra books at home. Having a permanent pass when her anxiety is too much. Having an aide to help her packing her backpack and making sure she has her homework. Being able to eat lunch by herself if she is overwhelmed.

Plus the fact that she will get speech and occupational therapy. Plus hopefully some counseling, change in meds, and maybe some social skills therapy. I think this is all a good thing. Our family needs some help from an outside source. My husband and I need a break from trying to deal with all the problems ourselves.

It recently occurred to me that we all have ADD. That was huge! Suddenly it all made sense. We are not like other families and really can't compare ourselves to them. My husband and I are trying to do it all ourselves without family help and with our own ADD problems and my anxiety issues. And deal with 5 kids with various needs, therapies, wants, etc. No wonder I feel anxious. What we need is someone to "parent" us, to help, to guide, to offer suggestions, to offer feedback. If nothing else, we need someone we can vent to instead of each other. And we need to work on maintaining our marital relationship. Because that always seems to get pushed to the bottom of the pile.

So I am excited this fall about the new possibilities. The new things we are learning. The new adventure we are about to undertake. I can only see good things happening. If school doesn't work out for Courtney, she can always come home, but hopefully we will have learned things that we can apply to our family forever.

On another note, I have returned to work as a nursing instructor. It is good for me to be out of the house, to miss my children. It is a good job, good hours, good pay. I am itching so much to jump into midwifery full time, to be delivering babies constantly, but I can see why that isn't such a great idea at this time. I am needed so much at home. Evenings are busy between homework, speech practice, dinner, driving to activities like Girl Scouts, CCD, 4 different schools and all that demands (like 4 back to school nights, 4 PTO meetings, concerts, christmas programs, etc. etc. the list is absolutely amazing, we put all this stuff on the calender and it filled the whole year already!) plus all the normal things like baths, reading, trying to keep it together.

Running around doing midwifery work just doesn't fit in right now. Doing 1-2 births is certainly doable, but anything more than that is unrealistic. And unfair to myself and my kids. And that is a painful truth I have to accept. I LOVE catching babies and I think I am getting pretty good at it. But I know that babies will always be there, I need to concentrate on the little ones right now. I feel like stomping my feet, pouting, yelling "No fair", then I realize how spoiled that sounds. But I still want to do it!!!!

Enough babbling for today...I have lots of thoughts running through my head as you can see and I needed to get them out and make room for other things to worry about...LOL